Thursday, August 30, 2018

The Best D&D Film Ever Made

We need to have a serious conversation, folks. A conversation about one of the best movies ever, and why it's so fucking D&D it hurts. A movie crammed with forgotten tombs, lethal traps, untold riches, vicious monsters and magic items!! 

Of course I'm talking about:





The first 13 minutes of this film are supreme, but today I want to focus on the TRAPS. I think the record will show they are all supremely D&D-able, and we could all learn a few lessons here. Also, since some other people were discussing traps recently, it comes at a topical moment (completely by accident)!


Watch as I outline the traps, how Indy deals with them, what makes them cool, how I would run them in my game, etc.



***** CAST *****

Indiana Jones - archaeologist

Satipo - craven hireling


***** THE DUNGEON, um, I mean THE ARCHAEOLOGICAL SITE *****

Nobody else has returned from the dungeon alive, but Indy has a few good reasons to get in there. He wants the idol and to know what happened to another treasure hunter who never made it back.


Observe him getting his stuff ready to go inside the dungeon. Torches, and... sand?





I'm sure there is a good reason for that. Indy is no novice adventurer, as we'll see shortly.



1 - THE SPIDERWEBS


Walk through a giant spiderweb, you might get some giant spiders on you.





This is good because although it's scary the characters aren't in any danger if they just stay calm and don't freak out. You can see Satipo trying not to shit himself. Imagine if they had flailed around like the other PCs in one of my groups, smashing out as much damage as possible as quick as they can? Might have killed each other before the spiders did.


Room description: These webs are home to dozens of fist-sized poisonous spiders [stats here]. They are sleepy and passive unless provoked by rapid movement or loud noises. They are hard to see when resting in their thick webs, especially in dim light. 


Clue: Giant fucking spiderwebs.


2 - SPIKE TRAP





One of my favourite traps. Indy is in pure D&D mode here. He knows something's up. Cautiously approaching, he waits to interact with it until he thinks he can test it safely and then springs it. The fate of the incautious is death, as we learn what happened to the last dude.







Room description: This trap is a vertical line of spikes that extend 6' from the wall, [some damage]. They are triggered by anything casting a shadow on the rocks. A dead adventurer is impaled on them right now. After a minute, they will reset back into the wall. 


Clue: A beam of light coming into the dark dungeon. (this one is a bit more obscure, but... pay attention to the details or perish!)

Next up is a well-loved classic:


3 - THE PIT


This is genius. I have used the 'already open pit trap' to tremendous effect in the past. Why bother with garbage like "this pit is based on a cantilever design, originally developed by Archimedes..." whatever. Fuck you.






Just make the pit already open! My players spent who knows how long trying to get down to the bottom and then up the other side, sweating bullets as they wait for me to dish up a random encounter where goblins can push rocks down on their heads.


Room description: come on man.


In this case Indy has his trusty whip, but this sets the stage for further difficulty. Leaving your adventuring gear behind for later use can be a smart move, but now you have a 'supply chain' of sorts behind you that you must protect.



4 - THE IDOL ROOM







Satipo, ever the clueless boob, almost gets the party killed here because he thinks it's safe to stroll forward. As usual, caution and information-gathering are the order of the day. Indy tests the waters:







Room description: The floor on the lower level [note that the idol's pedestal is on a slightly elevated area] is covered with pressure plates. Stepping on one of these will trigger a poison dart from one of the carved faces on the walls. They are worked into a pattern on the floor - the triggers are diamond-shaped stones [include picture of floor pattern here, or don't]. 


Clues: Carved 'spitting faces' on the walls, strange pattern of flagstones.

With the danger established he creeps up slowly, avoiding the pressure plates, until he's within reach of the prize:



What do?

He's made it past the poison darts, the pit, the spikes and the spiders. Indy knows this thing is trapped. He's thinking like an adventurer should! 


Room description: This trap is based on a weight sensor. If the idol is moved, lifted, etc. the dungeon begins to collapse! This also sets of the sliding stone door and the boulder trap by the entrance.


[Indy's DM will have to evaluate the chance of his improvised sandbag working. Is it 50/50? Does Indy make a DEX check? Roll for his Knowledge: weight of a lump of gold? All of these are possible. In Pathfinder he would roll Disable Device, and trying to avoid that shit is why I'm writing this article in the first place.] 

Clue: shiny golden idol on a pedestal totally untouched, weak-looking support pillars [knowledge roll or inspection to detect flaws], sliding multi-layered pedestal [seams covered by grasses, careful inspection required].

Indy has the right idea but doesn't execute it perfectly. It's comforting to know even he can't make every single roll.


5 - RUN AWAY!






Now we experience the whole dungeon in reverse, and you can see how the traps change not based on what Indy "rolls", but how he acts.


IDOL ROOM AGAIN: He sprints through the spike trap, dodging clouds of darts from left and right. Obviously he is making his saving throws because he's the hero and it's a movie, but any PC could meet a grim end right here.


PIT AGAIN, and SLIDING DOOR:






If I did this to my players they'd probably tar & feather me, but it doesn't get much more exciting!! 


A tough negotiation, a ticking clock, everything is against our hero. Interacting with this 'totally inert' open pit has become a complex problem. Your basic "zap" pit trap doesn't provide this. Of course this only works before your PCs have ready access to Fly, but when does that happen anyway? Stop giving them so many magic items.

The sliding door is just *one* of the ways Indy could get trapped here forever. In your dungeon you should probably leave some other way for the PCs to get out... right?


SPIKES AGAIN:






What an idiot! So focused on running away that he completely forgot the trap was there. This is what I'm talking about: Satipo was warned about this and he done fucked up.


I have in past days relied on the players remembering a warning I gave them half an hour before. A common viewpoint is this is unfair, although I don't know why. Since Satipo is a hireling he doesn't get a warning, but depending on the situation I might remind the players "hey guys, while you're sprinting away, who remembers those spikes?" Season to your own taste.


6 - THE BOULDER





Either he gets crushed, or he avoids the boulder and it gets stuck in the cave entrance, sealing him inside. It's a double-ended trap.

This would be great if your PCs dithered during the open-pit negotiation, or took their time coming back past the spikes because their idiot hireling hadn't set them off accidentally. 


CONCLUSION


It's easy to look at this dungeon in a certain light as a screw-job. Your players might blunder through it getting chopped into bits if they make some bad calls or don't pay close attention. However, if you look back, you'll see that every trap had some kind of clue or odd element to telegraph that something was up. Indy doesn't just walk down a featureless hallway, only to *zap*, fall down a pit. That would be cruel AND boring.


These are the kind of traps I like to use. They give you a chance to make decisions, and are interactive without resorting to 'I roll my Solve Problem skill.' YOU can be a treasure-hunting adventurer, whatever the numbers on your character sheet. All you need is a well-designed dungeon and your wits about you!



THE WILDERNESS AGAIN:






*****


Now check this out.


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